Greatest Coach Ever...

Just kidding.

Last night's game between the Patriots and the Colts was one for the ages. Plus, the right team won.

Watching that douche not shake hands with opposing players made my week. I guess a coach of his caliber doesn't have show any class when his shit-for-brains call lost the game. More importantly, trying to cement your legacy by having too much confidence in your team sucks when it doesn't work. What a tool.

Oh, in case you can't read between the lines, I hate Hoody.

Waiting...

Things I hate waiting for/at.

The doctor. Especially when I'm early/on time. So far, it's been 15 minutes and counting. *edit* 35 minutes and counting.
Dipshits at Costco. Move your effin cart jackass. I don't care if you want a free sample.
"Representatives" at the bank, C.C. and insurance companies. Blood sucking leaches.
Phone/Internet and delivery guys with their 8 hour window of appointment time.
NBA playoffs. Hell, half the teams in the league make the playoffs. So what's the point of having a regular season - especially when there is 4 rounds of seven games.
Chris Berman to stop talking about Brett Farve. You are the next John Madden. Shut up already.

Two sports related topics...

Dear New York Yankees players,

God didn't help you win the World Series. I have no problem with you thanking him for everything you have been given (especially the DNA lottery you happened to win) but don't thank him for helping you win the series.

This is brilliant. Does anyone really care about UCF's basketball team? Is ADIDAS really that stupid to think Michael Jordan's own son is going to wear anything other than Jordans? ADIDAS, you are NIKE's bitch.

Stuff That Sucks...

Carmelo Anthony's "WB" tattoo.
Dennis Leary's voice.
Dennis Miller.
Carlos Boozer.
The Utah Jazz's defense.
Poker on ESPN.
MTV.
The Twilight Series.
Maxine Waters.
Brett Farve.
The Brett Farve media circus.
Rock Band apps for a cell phone.
Celebrity voices in animated movies.
Owen Wilson.
The Welfare system.
Tax exemption.
Spiders.
Knee Surgery.

Where Not to Park; The Definitive Edition...

As a side note, asking multiple times "Is my car in your way?" or "Do you need me to move my car?" is the first sign that you can't park for shit. This is easily a four-car driveway yet you have somehow managed to make it a one-car driveway. Plus, consciously asking questions about your asinine parking is proof that you are aware of where your car is parked and that it is indeed parked in that particular spot to be defiant.

All that defiance makes me think you are either;

A.) A lesbian.

B.) A man dressed as a woman.

C.) On a Govt. program (due to laziness, not inability) and therefore, don't give a shit.

D.) All of the above.

Favre-licious-douche-bagged-faggot-ness...

Brett Favre is a DOUCHE BAG.

Did anyone see the post game interview with Brett? Good Hell, could he be a more pompous ass?

I understand that he just wants to play football. He wants to play it so bad that he rounds up his Wrangler boyfriends and plays with them to the tune of the most homo song ever. Unfortunately, what he really wants (other than spending most of his time in a locker room full of naked black dudes), is to be the center of attention - all the time.

Brett, you are the next Barry Bonds. Shut the hell up already.

I Think I'm in Love....

Rytec doors. Only the manliest of garages can apply. If Dianna would let me, I would get one for my front door.

Some thoughts on the NFL...

Michael Crabtree, you are an idiot.
Plaxico Burress, you are an idiot.
Terrell Owens, you are an idiot.
Adam Jones, you are an idiot.
Al Davis, you are an idiot.
John Gruden, you are an idiot.
Ocho Cinco, you are an idiot.
Brett Favre, you are an idiot.

I can't think of a clever title...

John Travolta and his wife are spending time apart as he travels the world to grieve over the loss of his son Jett.

Funny, I thought a marriage was supposed to be a two person job. I guess John Travolta thinks he is better than his wife. He is an idiot. She is much better looking than him

Pretty.

Not so much.



About the same

Joe Schad, you are a Lee Corso...

Is this guy retarded? When are these douches going to give the MWC credit? Oklahoma hasn't won against the MWC in its last three attempts. BYU held them to nearly 40 points LESS than their average from last year. In fact, the last time they scored less than 14 points was Oct. 7, 2006.

This fag is a voter and he still put Oklahoma in front of BYU. Let me clue you in dumbshit. Their QB is out for a month. Their leading TD receiver from last year is out for the season. The Sooners are going up in flames and I hope all the AP fags burn in Hell with them.

Explain to me how the MWC has three teams in the top 20 who may or may not get a BCS game yet the Big East (comparable to junior varsity football) gets an automatic bid...even if their best team is sitting at #23.

Some random thoughts from this week...

After writing a bit on some of the lame shit I see from day to day in my previous post, I noticed that I had indeed left a couple of items untouched.

Little League World Series. I am sure that these kids are good athletes (for their age) but 200 foot home runs don't impress me. Probably the biggest contributing factor towards my distaste for the LLWS is how their childhood is pushed aside to fulfill parents' expectations. Bummer for them.

LeGarrette Blount "cheapshot". The sports world and all of its commentators are a bunch of pussies. Wait for the video to load and watch it starting at 2:37. Blount was walking off the field when Hout takes the extra effort to say something and slap him upside his pads. The Duck didn't take too kindly to it and, frankly, I'd ruin Hout's shit too. Sure, Blount is a problematic kid and has been suspended for the season but Hout should be repremanded as well - beyond the humiliation of getting dropped with one punch.

Recently, the name of Susan Boyle kept popping up here and there. I paid it no mind but alas, I was roped in as well. I may be the last person on the planet to actually see the clip but I learned three things while watching it. 1.) Susan Boyle is the "Rudy" of the singing world. I was totally blown away. Not only did she sing a song from the greatest musical of all time, she was frumpy and quirky to boot. I must admit, I am a Susan Boyle fan. 2.) Simon, as big a douche as he is, has a nice smile. 3.) Amanda Holden is a 10.

Shut the hell up already...

Here are 3 things that aren't really important yet the media seems to think I need to hear it. Again. And again.

1. Ted Kennedy's death. This is just one branch of the scumbag family tree. Didn't he kill someone?

2. DJ AM's death. Surviving a plane crash is cool. Dying from crack is not. Who the hell dies from O.D.ing on crack anyway? "There's no better way to remember what it was like when I was at my bottom than to see someone at their bottom." -DJ AM

3. Jon and Kate plus 8. More like Douche and Bitch and a bunch of kids that are being exploited for money and fame.

Ohhhh, Daddy Likes...

The Hundreds. SE Bikes. 26" Cruiser. Need I say more?

Buy it for me here.

Every Dream I Ever Had Just Came True...

Jane Austen Sucks chapter 2...

My wife is a member of a book club. She will probably correct me if I am wrong (I'm not) but I remember her reminiscing about Jane Austen. How gay is that?

To make matters worse, hoards of women get together to discuss her sappy-laden Victorian-era B.S. What the hell for?

In any case, I am going to do them a favor and suggest a Jane Austen book that actually makes sense in the real world. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Win.

I love that I am not the only one...

Twitter is more gay than anal sex.

Mr. Hundreds agrees.

So does this rant.

Thanks fellas for making me smile.

"Eff" Michael Jackson and "Eff" you too.

Since when did Michael Jackson become a respected member of society? More importantly, why should the city of Los Angeles pony up for his small-penis-mongering funeral? The tool made music. He had a pet monkey. He had life size wax "people" in his home. He stabbed Paul McCartney (a close friend) in the back over some "business". He sported a mask. He had the voice of a four year old girl. None of these things are normal. In fact, most of them are downright psycho. So why do we treat him like royalty?

Michael Jackson was a freak. He was a douche bag. He was a pedophile. Remember?

Michael Jackson was black. He was white. He molested kids. Remember?

Michael Jackson was a shitty role model. He hung children over balconies. Remember?

I'm glad this cocksucker is dead. Anyone who sticks up for him should have their own kids molested by a black (white) man.

Celebrity Look A likes Version 2.1...

Michael Jackson (alive)...

Fran Dreshner...

Here is another comparison that is a little more appropriate.

Michael Jackson...

Decomposing body...

While I am on the pedo-kick, I have another thought. Since the sideshow's death, his music sales on itunes or wherever have gone up 700%. While I am sure that bubbles (his pet monkey) and the rest of the wax museum are all real happy that you are contributing to their trust fund, who the hell hasn't already purchased his music? Everyone I know has his library on the portable music device/computer. Why buy it a second time? What a creep.

Congrats Kelli. This one is for you...

Nice job last night! Your performance was
!

A Thought On Road Bikes...

There are always going to be similar types of people that hate each other. Snowboards vs. Skis. WWE vs. UFC. Road bikes vs. All other bikes.

People who ride road bikes are lame.

Sure, you have the right of way. You also have the right to be roadkill.

This guy had the right idea.

Why is it that your bikes are no more than shoulder width apart yet you take up most of the road? Amplifying the problem happens when you clowns decide to circle jerk it in your little biker gangs. It's called SINGLE-FILE dipshits. If it works for cars, it'll work for you.

Next up is the fact that you wear the gayest clothing on the planet. With the purchase of a road bike, does it come with a lifetime supply of lycra and spandex? Most of you chumps aren't fast enough to get the benefits of wearing tighter clothing or shaving your legs. If I shaved my legs it'd be for one reason only. Because they are effin sexy. Not because it causes me "wind-resistance". Oh, while I am on the clothing bit, WTF are these?

What is wrong with gym shorts and a T-shirt? Hell, for the price of one of your lame-ass jerseys, I could wear new shorts and T-shirts every day of the week.

Explain to me what makes this picture so damn cool.

Lastly, who comes home from a long day at work and winds down by taking a 10 mile bike ride that is accompanied by cars, dogs, pedestrians and not one television?

Pull your heads out.