"Eff" Michael Jackson and "Eff" you too.

Since when did Michael Jackson become a respected member of society? More importantly, why should the city of Los Angeles pony up for his small-penis-mongering funeral? The tool made music. He had a pet monkey. He had life size wax "people" in his home. He stabbed Paul McCartney (a close friend) in the back over some "business". He sported a mask. He had the voice of a four year old girl. None of these things are normal. In fact, most of them are downright psycho. So why do we treat him like royalty?

Michael Jackson was a freak. He was a douche bag. He was a pedophile. Remember?

Michael Jackson was black. He was white. He molested kids. Remember?

Michael Jackson was a shitty role model. He hung children over balconies. Remember?

I'm glad this cocksucker is dead. Anyone who sticks up for him should have their own kids molested by a black (white) man.

Celebrity Look A likes Version 2.1...

Michael Jackson (alive)...

Fran Dreshner...

Here is another comparison that is a little more appropriate.

Michael Jackson...

Decomposing body...

While I am on the pedo-kick, I have another thought. Since the sideshow's death, his music sales on itunes or wherever have gone up 700%. While I am sure that bubbles (his pet monkey) and the rest of the wax museum are all real happy that you are contributing to their trust fund, who the hell hasn't already purchased his music? Everyone I know has his library on the portable music device/computer. Why buy it a second time? What a creep.

Congrats Kelli. This one is for you...

Nice job last night! Your performance was
!

A Thought On Road Bikes...

There are always going to be similar types of people that hate each other. Snowboards vs. Skis. WWE vs. UFC. Road bikes vs. All other bikes.

People who ride road bikes are lame.

Sure, you have the right of way. You also have the right to be roadkill.

This guy had the right idea.

Why is it that your bikes are no more than shoulder width apart yet you take up most of the road? Amplifying the problem happens when you clowns decide to circle jerk it in your little biker gangs. It's called SINGLE-FILE dipshits. If it works for cars, it'll work for you.

Next up is the fact that you wear the gayest clothing on the planet. With the purchase of a road bike, does it come with a lifetime supply of lycra and spandex? Most of you chumps aren't fast enough to get the benefits of wearing tighter clothing or shaving your legs. If I shaved my legs it'd be for one reason only. Because they are effin sexy. Not because it causes me "wind-resistance". Oh, while I am on the clothing bit, WTF are these?

What is wrong with gym shorts and a T-shirt? Hell, for the price of one of your lame-ass jerseys, I could wear new shorts and T-shirts every day of the week.

Explain to me what makes this picture so damn cool.

Lastly, who comes home from a long day at work and winds down by taking a 10 mile bike ride that is accompanied by cars, dogs, pedestrians and not one television?

Pull your heads out.

Condo Complexes Lick A Fat One...

I have been spending a ton of free time working in the yard as of late. Removing weeds is no easy task when the groundskeeper doesn't do their job for well over six years. Replacing shoddy sprinklers and pipes is the pits. Leveling clay-laden soil sucks my ass. After all of that, I am told that I can't proceed with my plans to build a small deck. Mostly because, "it doesn't conform". Conform to what? The shithole it is now?

Rules. Rules. Rules.

I've got four words of advise for your "rules".

Shut the hell up.

I hope everyone that has made a rule at my complex dies of Swine Flu. Preferably injected with a bullet to the head.

Al Davis Needs To End It All...

The Oakland Raiders are dumb. Proof of their stupidity lies in the fact that they are in the running for a top 10 draft pick EVERY year. To all Raider brass and Raider-nation Darth Jackass nerds, rebuilding is done in the front office. It doesn't happen over the coarse of a two day draft.

Sebastian Janikowski?
Robert Gallery?
Michael Huff?
JaMarcus Russell?
Darrius Heyward-Bey?
Darren McFadden?

Does Al Davis realize that he has shit for brains? This years draft was especially enjoyable. I can't even fathom why the Raiders think that a WR with some speed is going to save them - especially when they had arguably the best receiver in the league on their roster several seasons ago and he didn't amount to dick. To make matters worse, who's going to be throwing to their new field stretcher?

This woeful squad should take hints from the Lions about how to rebuild. Just kidding. They are both going to suck this year. Again.

Skip Bayless is a Faggot...

His dick is made of cheese and he probably sucked at football. You and Lee Corso are each other's #1s. FAGS.

Coolest Drum Solo Ever...

Dear ladies...

UGGs are gay. There is only one situation that calls for tucking your trousers into your shoes. It's called "shitting your pants".

Where not to park...Version 1.5

Yes, the state keeps on dealing out the DLs. Yes, I do think they should consider dragging people behind snowplows. Oh, by the way, your plate is effin lame.

Where not to park...a progressive tale of dumbshits...

Nice Jeep (just kidding). It's a shame you can't park it.

Nice parking. It's a shame you suck at life.

As if the Jeep wasn't bad enough...

I hope you die of dysentery.

Where not to park...Version 1.4

Just because it is snowing outside, doesn't make it OK to be an idiot. Idiot.

Where not to park...Version 1.3

This was in front of the Costco on State Street and 5300 South this past Thursday. To the owner of the pictured vehicle (plate number 375 NYW), I hope the Angel of Death is lazy when he decides to take you. You are deserving of a slow and painful death.

Queers in training...

Nice outfits, fags. Be sure to thank your mom for ruining your lives.

Meh...

Food Storage...

Thanks goes to my favorite Sister and best friend. They were kind enough to bring me over some of my favorites. I think the idea was to have some food storage that I enjoyed. All items in picture have promptly been "stored".

Not a Fan of the Mall...

...so I peed on it.

"Jay Cutler", now spelled C-O-D-D-L-E-D...

Before I even get to the Denver Quarterback, I would just like to say that The Broncos are idiots. Signing Chris Simms for $6 million? Great investment Josh! Maybe this season, due to his inability to protect himself, he can get his hands removed after reading over play charts.

You're up Cutler. You sir, are a bastard. Just because your new coach decides to entertain offers on a quarterback he is more familiar with and got his team to 11-5 in his debut season (you on the other hand cost more, don't get to the playoffs and manage a phenominal .500 winning percentage) doesn't mean you can dish out lip and sass. You need to pull your head out and play.

How About I Dial One Up...

Unless one lives in Southern California or New York City, one shouldn't have to dial an area code to talk to their next door neighbor. Then again, one could just walk next door and have a little face time.


However nice it may seem, being neighborly isn't the point here. My distaste for using gumption, and my legs, to walk next door is. Yes, I am lazy. No, I didn't walk next door. Yes, I had to dial the area code to call my next door neighbor.


To give you a bit of a perspective of how close our condos are, if I listened, I could've heard the phone call I was placing ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing and being answered. Not all that bad if you want to know your neighbor's dirty little secrets. Definitely all bad when the elderly lady on your other wall gets married and and decides to let out all of her dirty little secrets. Had they heard it, rabbits would be aghast. In other words, privacy depends on if you choose to speak with your indoor voice.


Back to the topic on hand. Some of the local chatter lately has been confusion as to why the area code is now used for every call. I don't have the answer other than the norm - those running the phone company are idiots. All I know about the area code B.S. is that it too is idiots.

School Portraits...

Remember how awesome the 80's were? I think I am going to relive them by getting some of those killer laser-background pictures done. Maybe even the rockstar background. Either way, don't be surprised if one shows up on your mantle. Plus, it proves you are one of the following...

...rockstar


...tubular


...radical


...fresh enough to sport a Cosby sweater.